A Sacred Illness… A Family of Monks and Nuns… That Deserved to be Celebrated
This month I felt inspired to write a blog about my late mother’s illness Huntington’s Disease Chorea… In May 2023 I completed an Ananda Spiritual Counselling Course. During one of the modules, I had to share an experience in relation to death, dying or an illness. I decided I would share about my late mother's death and the effects her illness has had on me… I have never spoken about her illness before to anyone… Only to Nayaswami Nalini in an email…
Here is the email I sent to Nayaswami Nalini on April 14th 2022.
“Hi Nalini,
How are you doing? I hope you are doing well :). I have created an online book study on my website honouring you and your book Transitioning to Grace a Yogi’s Approach to Death and Dying.
Here is the link below.
Also, I have been tuning into sound as one of the 8 aspects of God through music and Aum as a way of developing a relationship with God. I came across that you have a chapter dedicated to Aum that I will be including in this week's sharing on my website.
Here is a link to my latest post.
It is the anniversary of my mum's passing on Friday 15th April, I wanted to share with you that my Mum had Huntington's Disease Chorea. I never really share with people the name of her illness, I try and see it as a thing of the past. As a child, it was terrifying to witness how this illness took over her life and my family. It's not something I have really spoken to anyone about before. Growing up and having children, it was difficult because I was faced with criticisms of should I be having children if I don't know if I have the illness.
Even though on one level they were right, however, it was not what I needed to hear, it created more fear in me. I was young it never really came into my awareness. I found the courage twice to speak to my doctor to see if I have the illness. The first time the doctor told me it would be a long procedure to go through. And the second time a different doctor said to me that if I am not experiencing any symptoms then I shouldn't spend time worrying about it, as the symptoms tend to start early in adulthood. Basically, it was like God was saying to live a positive and healthy lifestyle, which I was aiming to do and I am still trying to do today.
I have lived in fear of a lot of things but mainly because of the illness, and I have never really appreciated life because of it. I have a tendency of wanting to do things fast or quick because am not sure when my time is up. Instead of taking my time and really enjoying things, however, am learning to slow down more and worry less. Time away from family and friends has really helped me with this exploration. I will try and avoid things that will disturb my peace and stay away from negative influences and substances. However, I am learning I can't run away from my Karma and Dharma (good or bad) or whatever bad means :).
Before I came to Ananda I wanted to have one more child but within a year. I have changed my mind, I think bringing a baby into the world with everything that is going on right now in the world brings grief to my heart. Plus, me developing my relationship with God right now means a lot to me and deepening my relationship with the children God blessed me with is also important to me, especially as a single parent. I don't know what I would do without them. Tyreece is 22 now he is practically an adult, Asaru keeps me going he is so gifted, he deserves the best in life, and so does Tyreece.
Anyway, I better stop, I feel like I can type to you forever ;).
Rest well when it comes
Blessings & Love
Dinah“
I never received a response from Nayaswami Nalini… But when she attended Satsangs in the Ananda Online Virtual Community I would feel her loving presence and when she would share I would feel that she was sharing for me… Nayaswami Nalini sadly died on the 4th August 2022… Today I still feel her loving presence working with me from the spiritual realm. Nayaswami Nalini also inspired me to write a blog called Death Can Take us by Surprise where I share about my late mother’s death…here is the link…
Huntington’s Diseases Chorea never only affected my late Mother it also affected one of her sisters and two of her brothers (Judith, Malcolm and Melvin) … I have included a picture of the family below with my Nana… They inherited the disease from my late Grandad whose name was Walter Pemberton below is a picture of him and my Nana on their wedding day…
Our family has been through a lot of battles, my nana is one of the strongest women I know…I watched her remain strong throughout the challenges she was faced with, with little help and support…
As a child growing up, it was difficult watching how the disease had an effect on each of their lives … something I avoided and became numb to… As the illness would make them behave in ways which were embarrassing to me… I would spend more time out of the house with friends, instead of being in the house… It was difficult to have compassion towards them… Until I realised that they were never going to get better again, and death was the end result for them… It was difficult to talk about my feelings and share with friends and family how I was feeling…
It was even difficult to even put myself in my late mother and auntie and uncle’s position because I didn’t want to even think that I have this illness too… Seeing the way that they suffered through this illness was terrifying… And had an effect on my life tremendously… I used to spend time wondering what their lives would have been like if they were well and healthy and how we have been together as a family.
Today, I view the illness as a Sacred Gift… Instead, I am starting to affirm that I came from a spiritually disciplined family who before the end of their lives practiced a highly advanced order of spiritual training… They abstained from negative people, sex, alcohol, surrendered inwardly to God despite how they were feeling, detached from life, they trusted the journey of their soul, experienced deep pain and suffering, they practised detachment and fasted to the end of their lives. A family of Monks and Nuns… that deserved to be celebrated…
I am grateful to be able to view their lives in this way and for the gifts I have inherited from them, which today I am following and putting into practice.
In Honour to Their Highly Spiritual Disciplined Path…May their souls always continue to soar high…
Blessings & Love
Rev Dinah Pemberton